1. you probably knew that the hair on your body all grows at different rates. take eyelashes, for example. they don’t grow as fast as the hair on your head. it makes sense, and i knew this before i had cancer. but now that i’m regrowing my hair, i’m supremely annoyed that armpit hair grows faster than eyebrow hair. i don’t WANT armpit hair. i DO want eyebrows. i’m drawing on my eyebrows every day. i wouldn’t need to draw armpit hair if it was slow to return- that would be unnecessary. and weird. i find this whole situation unacceptable.
2. our cat, Batman, gets into our shower all the time to catch the drips from the faucet. this is fine, except when you don’t know he’s in there. i have fallen off the toilet more than once when he leapt out happily to greet me. so now you’ve been warned- if you use our restroom, check behind the shower curtain. or at least clean up after yourself if that becomes necessary.
3. speaking of the shower: i can shower again! i made it 15 days post-surgery on careful and painful washcloth ‘baths’ because of the disgusting drain in my side. but it’s gone now, and i took a glorious shower. you’re welcome, Matt. and all people who
see smell me regularly. i am no longer cloaked in vanilla perfume and lavender essential oil to mask less appealing aromas. side note: my surgeon was painstakingly clear that i was not to scrub the incision area vigorously. because apparently i look SO UNINTELLIGENT that i might take a loofah to the 6 inch incision on my chest. no… there is not going to be any scrubbing, but thank you for your concern, doctor.
4. let’s stick with the bathroom theme: painkillers and constipation. holy poop. there were a few days post-surgery that i afraid i was going to explode- like, alien style explode (i did not). then there were the days i was sure i was either going to die on the toilet or have to call matt to help me. how amazing would that be? ‘honey, i’m having trouble pooping. can you come home?’ there are a LOT of un-sexy things about cancer and chemotherapy and mastectomy, but that would be pretty high up there on the ‘unattractive in a spouse’ list. i did not call. i also did not die, but i am DONE with those painkillers. and also a little afraid of toilets. i’ll stop talking now.
thank you for allowing me to share 4 random (and relatively unappealing) things with you. that was fun. for me anyway… between this and all the crying, you may have concerns about my stability as a wife and mother, but i promise we’re doing okay.